It took us quite some time to find a Burmese boater who would take us into an area not frequented by tourists. My travel companion, a photographer, was determined to capture images of the long-necked women of the Padaung tribe. We had purchased enough Kyat on the black market to entice a young man with a motorboat to take us closer to the tribe. After some time, our guide neared the riverbank and motioned toward the village. We had just spotted a small house raised high off the ground on wooden stilts when a yelling woman came quickly around the corner. I was stilled by the sight of a native woman whose neck was encircled by glistening bronze coils. Suddenly, a uniformed soldier stepped from behind the trees and struck the woman with the butt of his gun.
Hiding in the forest, we heard the gunshots and desperate calls now common among the minority tribes of Myanmar during this nation’s civil war. The lives of these minorities, I learned, had suffered from the implementation of the horrific forced minority labor policy. The feelings of compassion welling up inside of me marked the burgeoning of my interest in international affairs.
I have since learned much about the problems facing Myanmar as well as other developing nations. Upon returning to school, I shifted my focus within my anthropology major to study the medical challenges of impoverished populations. I researched topics from pharmaceutical dumping in underdeveloped countries to the health practices of illegal Mexican aliens in the United States. Through traveling abroad, I developed a more focused interest in the health concerns of displaced populations and low-income settlements.
Even after graduation, I continued to seek an understanding of health on physiological, societal and cultural levels by taking undergraduate courses that were not required for my diploma. Now, working in the legal division of Pfizer, I am gaining a comprehensive understanding of the role that large pharmaceutical companies play in helping attain and sustain adequate health standards in developing nations.
My experiences have now brought me to the realization that my ultimate goals of establishing and maintaining proper health administration and policy are best fostered under the umbrella of international public affairs. I would like to bring my first-hand understanding and education to fruition under the discipline of The New School’s Master of Arts in International Affairs. My substantial knowledge of all of development’s challenges will provide a solid foundation to support my healthcare focus. Your program will provide for me not just the coursework necessary to obtain this knowledge, but a platform from which I can pursue my passion for improving the lives of people in developing nations. With the resources available in your program, I will be equipped not only to support current relief efforts, but also to instigate further changes addressing the needs of today’s -- and tomorrow's -- populations.
點(diǎn)評(píng):
文章第1、2段用一個(gè)故事引人入勝,使讀者不得不對(duì)當(dāng)今的國(guó)際時(shí)事政治作一番思考。正是這一奇異之旅激發(fā)了作者在國(guó)際時(shí)事政治學(xué)習(xí)上的興趣。文章第3、4段則敘述了作者旅游回來(lái)后針對(duì)國(guó)際一些熱點(diǎn)問(wèn)題進(jìn)行了更深一層的研究。而在畢業(yè)之后,某些相關(guān)課程的研讀和在公司法律處的工作經(jīng)驗(yàn)讓作者對(duì)國(guó)際時(shí)事有了一個(gè)全新的認(rèn)識(shí)。而文章的最后一段直奔主題,明確自己的目標(biāo),表明自己的立場(chǎng),并暗示自己若能入讀NEW SCHOOL將來(lái)能為學(xué)校所創(chuàng)造的價(jià)值。
優(yōu)點(diǎn):
◆ 雖然文中沒(méi)有太多華麗的詞句,但作者卻可以清晰地把自己要研讀國(guó)際時(shí)事專(zhuān)業(yè)的動(dòng)機(jī)展現(xiàn)在讀者面前;
◆ 事例的選材比較好,以自己的一個(gè)恐怖經(jīng)歷來(lái)闡述自己要攻讀國(guó)際時(shí)事專(zhuān)業(yè)的動(dòng)機(jī),同時(shí)也能使讀者深同感受,對(duì)當(dāng)今的國(guó)際時(shí)事政治作出思考。
缺點(diǎn):
● 形象塑造不鮮明
文章花了很多的邊幅說(shuō)明自己在國(guó)際時(shí)事的興趣上,卻沒(méi)有著重從自己對(duì)國(guó)際時(shí)事認(rèn)識(shí)上說(shuō)明問(wèn)題,所以看完了整篇文章之后,對(duì)作者沒(méi)有一個(gè)比較深的印象,只記得作者對(duì)國(guó)際時(shí)事比較感興趣;
● 泛泛而談、缺乏專(zhuān)業(yè)水平
文章的第3段闡述作者自己在國(guó)際時(shí)事領(lǐng)域有所研究,但只是做了一個(gè)概括性的說(shuō)明,究竟是研究了些什么呢?讀者無(wú)從知道,只是對(duì)作者研究的寬度有個(gè)大概的了解,至于深度作者并沒(méi)有做一個(gè)相應(yīng)的說(shuō)明;
● 理由過(guò)于牽強(qiáng)
文章第4段用了大概60多個(gè)字概括了自己為國(guó)際時(shí)事研究所作的努力和自己的工作經(jīng)驗(yàn)對(duì)于自己的專(zhuān)業(yè)學(xué)習(xí)所起到的幫助,但這些事例的說(shuō)服力明顯不大。原因一,研讀相關(guān)的國(guó)際時(shí)事課程對(duì)于沒(méi)有專(zhuān)業(yè)學(xué)習(xí)背景的人來(lái)說(shuō)是必要的而不能算是額外的努力;原因二,在一個(gè)法律處工作對(duì)于作者在國(guó)際時(shí)事上的認(rèn)識(shí)的提高是有限的;
● 文章結(jié)構(gòu)不合理
文章給人一個(gè)兩頭大、中間小的感覺(jué),作者花太多的筆墨在事例的引用和意圖的解釋上面,但自己在國(guó)際事務(wù)上的認(rèn)識(shí)和研究反而一筆帶過(guò),這樣的文章結(jié)構(gòu)安排顯然是不合理的,不能很好地突出作者學(xué)術(shù)性的一面。
譯文:
1.我們花了很長(zhǎng)的時(shí)間才找到一個(gè)緬甸船夫能夠帶我們?nèi)ヒ粋€(gè)以前旅游者未曾涉足的地方。我的游伴是一名攝影師,他決心要在那個(gè)地方拍攝到Padaung部落長(zhǎng)頸女人的照片。出發(fā)之前,我們已經(jīng)在緬甸的黑市市場(chǎng)里兌換了足夠多的緬甸幣,只有這樣我們才能誘使擁有摩托艇的年輕男子把我們載到離這個(gè)部落比較近的地方。一段時(shí)間過(guò)后,我們的導(dǎo)游就把我們領(lǐng)到河邊并啟程向部落村莊邁進(jìn)。我們慢慢地向村莊逼近,當(dāng)我們發(fā)現(xiàn)岸上有一幢高高拔起的小木屋的時(shí)候,一名婦女就一邊大叫一邊從角落里走出來(lái)。我被這個(gè)脖子上套著反光青銅圈的土著婦女給驚呆了。突然,一個(gè)身穿制服的士兵就從樹(shù)后面走了出來(lái),并用槍頭敲擊這名婦女。
2.看到此情形我們就躲進(jìn)了森林里面,不久我們就聽(tīng)到了槍聲和嘶聲力竭的叫聲,這種事情在緬甸這一個(gè)鬧內(nèi)戰(zhàn)的地方而且在少數(shù)民族部落里面是時(shí)有發(fā)生的。據(jù)我了解,這些少數(shù)民族深受?chē)?guó)家制定的有關(guān)少數(shù)民族的強(qiáng)制性的勞動(dòng)政策的迫害。由此而引發(fā)的同情萌發(fā)了我對(duì)國(guó)際時(shí)事的濃厚興趣。
3.至那時(shí)起我就深切地體會(huì)和認(rèn)識(shí)到緬甸和其他發(fā)展中國(guó)家所面臨的困境?;氐綄W(xué)校以后,我從從前對(duì)人類(lèi)學(xué)專(zhuān)業(yè)的專(zhuān)注上轉(zhuǎn)移到貧苦地區(qū)人民醫(yī)療問(wèn)題的研究上。從不發(fā)達(dá)國(guó)家的藥物傾銷(xiāo)問(wèn)題到駐扎在美國(guó)的非法墨西哥移民的健康習(xí)慣問(wèn)題我都做了相關(guān)的研究。通過(guò)出外旅游,我對(duì)流離失所人們的健康問(wèn)題還有低收入人們的住房問(wèn)題就越來(lái)越感興趣了。
4.即使是在畢業(yè)之后,我也通過(guò)上一些大學(xué)的課程來(lái)繼續(xù)我在心理,社會(huì)和文化健康領(lǐng)域上的學(xué)習(xí)研究,雖然這些課程都不是我的學(xué)位所要求上的課程?,F(xiàn)在我在Pfizer公司的法律處工作,公司讓我漸漸地對(duì)于大型醫(yī)藥公司在幫助發(fā)展中國(guó)家獲得并維持良好的健康水平所起的作用有了一個(gè)比較全面而綜合的理解。
5.我的這些經(jīng)歷讓我意識(shí)到我的最終目標(biāo)—建立并維系正確的健康管理體制和政策,只有在健全的國(guó)際公共事務(wù)體系的保護(hù)下才能得以真正的實(shí)施。我想通過(guò)在NEW SCHOOL攻讀國(guó)際時(shí)事專(zhuān)業(yè)的文科碩士課程來(lái)實(shí)現(xiàn)我這個(gè)目標(biāo)。我對(duì)發(fā)展所帶來(lái)的挑戰(zhàn)的充分認(rèn)識(shí)將會(huì)有助于我在健康領(lǐng)域上的學(xué)習(xí)。你們的課程將不僅為我提供相關(guān)的學(xué)習(xí),也將作為一個(gè)平臺(tái)讓我可以繼續(xù)熱衷于這份工作,為提高發(fā)展中國(guó)家人們生活水平而努力。在你們學(xué)?,F(xiàn)今可利用的資源下,我將不僅會(huì)在你們學(xué)校原有的研究領(lǐng)域上努力,而且還會(huì)給你們學(xué)校帶來(lái)更多和更深一層的改變,這個(gè)改變將會(huì)是著重研究當(dāng)代和后代子孫的需求上。
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